During the seminar itself, some participants called the Safety Net Project an Eye-Opener !  We are very honored to be perceived as such !      

But what is it about ? 

Event before we created the Lingua Franca Foundation, we were worried about the fate of some Asian women we saw in dire strait around us, in the Netherland.  Some of them divorced in the most desperate – and more often then not – violent conditions.    We decided to react and to create a specific project to help these women : the Safety Net Project (more details about this project in these pages).      

 This project in multidimensional, we aim to contribute to :      

• prevention
• coaching, training & networking
• aid & empowerment
• information & training of the welcoming countries institutions
• partnership   

We went all the way to Malaysia and organize this seminar in order to reach two of these goals :      

• prevention : by giving the participants information about life in Europe and how to get married, to work or to set up a business there in the best possible conditions
• partnership : we wanted to meet NGO’s, local authorities and companies to agree on common resources and actions 

We coudn’t have done half of it without the patience and invaluable support of our local partner : Hotel Abadi Sdn Bhd (Hotel Abadi Melaka).  So we are deeply thankful to these wonderful people who helped to make this seminar a successful event !      

If you missed this seminar, here are the presentations we made that day :     

First, an introduction to the program of the day.      

Then, Suzi started the real presentation with a Prezi about the Lingua Franca Foundation and the Safety Net Project itself. (Cick on t the presentation).       

Safety Net Project Prezi

I, then, followed with a short (and boring, I warned you, people !) Prezi on Europe and its institutions…      

Europe Prezi

After that, I gave the floor back to Suzi who then presented the first part of this Powerpoint on Moving to Europe : she explained the European rules regarding marriage and relationship.  Everybody needed a pause after such an intense morning work  and we all enjoyed the delicious Malaysian cuisine served in the hotel restaurant before I presented the sequel of this combination of Mind mapping and PowerPoint about working and setting up a business in Europe.      

Frame Game : learning with fun 

After more than a half day of presentations, we all needed to move.   The (in)famous disease ALSS (After Lunch Sleeping Syndrom) was threatening everybody in the seminar room and we started the Frame Game : Let’s Net Together !      

This game is a personal adaptation of a Thiagi’s Frame Game.  We distributed 4 cards to the participants and asked them to write 4 items about the question : What can people expect from a project like Safety Net ?        

The goal was to collect the ideas of the group, to broaden our scope regarding the aims of the project and to validate our assumptions about the needs of people and the actions we started.        

We then collected all the cards.  We mixed them up and gave back two cards to each participant.        

They had to place their cards in order of preference.  If they didn’t like their cards, they could exchange them with the rest of the cards, which laid on a table.      

Then, the participants could exchange their remaining cards with another or several participants.  As much cards they wished, but one for one.        

We then asked them to read other people’s card and to gather with the ones who have the closest statements on their card to form several groups.  Three groups resulted of these exchanges, of very different sizes, between two and ten people !         

We, then, prompted the participants to determine the 3 favorite cards of each group.         

When this has been done, we proposed them to present their choice to the rest of the participants.  But… there were some rules they have to respect :         

• no words, no letters 
• No figures and as few symbols as possible 

• draw
• sing, but without lyrics
• mime
• imitate the noise of object 

After a few minutes of hesitations, all the groups endeavour their work with a great fun and a lot of creativity : we had drawings, mime, song (national anthems) and noise (a plane taking off and landing), etc.         

And we got the answers to our questions : yes, the Safety Net Project is an interesting one, it’s a eye-opener, it can give the right information, it can make life easier for people going abroad.     But it could also help student to move abroad, it could  make more taylored conferences and seminars for targeted audiences, it could give handouts at the end of the day, and so on…

 We

 We ended the day by thanking the participants for their pretty good job and with a warning : you thought you could get rid of us so easily, but actually we could be back at the end of the year, with a new conference…   

  Click to view slideshow.     

it’s time for us to reveal

 The Safety Net Project is a program associated between Lingua  Lingua Franca Foundation and Hotel Abadi Sdn Bhd (Hotel Abadi Melaka) to promote safe and harmonious ‘win-win’ international exchanges as well as diversity between nations. This project aims to deal with domestic violence against women from abroad and to help them to integrate in the welcoming country or to go back safely to their country of origin and to inform local authority, potential partners and contributors of the current situation and what plans for improvement. It is also a discussion platform for future collaboration from both sides to promote and maintain the durability of the project.

 “  Somebody you know may need these information badly. The speakers are people with first hand experience on the subject, and have worked with people with similar predicaments. The lesson from their experience is that some problems can be prevented, and it is best if you are prepared before making that big decision! Read the brochure to find out more! “

REGISTER NOW TO SECURE YOUR SEAT

Click here if you wish to pay with the credit card

To enable you to be from where you are  to where you want to be, you have move. Yes! Move. Move from one side to another, and one place to another. Just, literally…move.

Making contact is like building a bridge. It connects you from one end to the other. Once you cross the bridge, there is no turning back. Along the way, you will encounter little stops that either help you build a bigger picture of what you want to construct or just simply destroy what you hope to build. It’s as simple as that. If your journey helps you to build and contruct, then once you implement all the information, you are able to lay down some structure later. These structures will help you re-build your global-view plans so that you can narrow them down to more concrete measures and whence, you manage to see what you can and cannot accomplish.

Using this concept, I decided to extend the Foundation’s bridge to another continent; initiating new projects so that the Foundation can continue to pursue and develop its goals. Knowing I will find new territories, I packed my bags; along with the toys donated by the kids4kids club for the needy children, off I went to the country with the oldest rain forest in the world. The moment I touched down at the international airport, I realised that this country has a lot of potential. Upholding their slogan, Truly Asia; Malaysia is not only enriched with multinationals and culture, but also considered as one of the well-developed countries in the Asian continent.

During my stay in Kuala Lumpur, I have engaged with several types of crowd; from business to politics, and  journalists to hotel management. Between us, I could see that we have one thing in common: to make contact and to expand our bridges. We share the same vision: to expand our horizons and to globalize our mission. We want to reach out beyond our borders and we want (and hope) to do it together.

One of the main cores of the Foundation is education.  The Foundation wishes to establish an international learning network to connect and get the best out of both worlds. The Foundation strongly believes that education plays an enormous role in stripping the veil of ignorance and naivety, thus assist our evolving mind to be more responsible and productive. Connecting two worlds by creating a bridge and a platform would be a big project for the Foundation – such project can only be achievable through constant networking and getting international partners for full-time involvement.

Another project is to introduce one of our activities to the Asian audience – The Safety Net Project. This special project has been under experimental in the Netherlands since the middle of 2009 and we are hoping to launch it officially somewhere in Kuala Lumpur. The Foundation hopes that the meeting with a few relevant and motivated people will be fruitful and the project will be introduced to the public in the up coming months. The project is targeted mostly for women audience and how to exercise prevention and educating women their rights, responsibilities and capacity. The Foundation is promoting safe international exchanges between the West and East; and by trying to connect both worlds, women from all over are able to participate in a programme to learn to grow out of naivety and being motivated at the same time.  

Besides trying to make proper introduction about the Foundation’s activities, I have taken the opportunity to launch our first international exchange project. Kids4kids club (a club formed by the Foundation) has been active in collecting toys for the needy children since January 2010 and my journey to Malaysia has enable me to deliver the hard work the children have poured into to make this charity project a success. I have brought more than 20 kilos worth of toys to be distributed to several needy children from everywhere in West Malaysia.

Doing charity work is part of the Foundation’s establishment. I wish that this charity project will always exist and continue throughout the existance of Lingua Franca Foundation.

I sincerely hope that after reading this article, many women take serious action in protecting themselves and those who they love and care, and also informing and alerting other women to be more aware of what is truly out there…

Men may say that marriage is a trap. But sometimes it is the woman who is trapped. NOOR AZURA AHMAD (writer for Her World) uncovers the emotional angst of a repressed wife.

heart in chains

Elisa*, 37, snuggles contentedly against Giovanni*, her husband of two months, and declares, “I SO love this man… NOW I understand what love is all about.” Looking up coyly at her husband, she admits to  spritzing on perfume and dolling herself up just before he arrives home. “I’m smitten.” She manages to look sheepish while grinning from ear to ear. Giovanni laughs heartily, evidently pleased with her confession. Squeezing Elisa gently, Giovanni, or Khalid* as he is also known, gives her an affectionate peck before leaving us to this interview. Knowing that we would be delving into a painful period in her life, Elisa braces herself for the inevitable.

“It all began when I was studying in the UK. I met Pieter* through a pen pal programme organised by a student’s association. He was studying in the Netherlands, working on his doctorate. We actually wrote to each other the old fashioned way – using pen, paper and stamps.” Elisa always thought of him as a friend, but Pieter’s writing became increasingly personal. Friends pointed out that Pieter was definitely interested but Elisa played it cool.

Coming from a troubled family, Elisa did not witness much affection between her own parents. After they divorced, Elisa stayed with her mother but she understood her father better. Her mother opposed her relationship with Pieter but Elisa didn’t care. She had no interest in the rich boys her mother kept throwing her way.

Elisa and Pieter finally met in person when a friend dragged her along on a trip to Amsterdam. Pieter put them up in his apartment and accompanied them sightseeing. The very next day, he took Elisa to meet his parents. After that, they visited each other occasionally and kept in touch via telephone. Soon, both of them graduated and started working. Two years later, he asked her to marry him and she accepted.

“The truth is, I never really loved him. But he was there and it was the logical next step, so I said yes. Three days before the wedding, I left town. Somewhere deep inside, I didn’t want to marry him. But when I came back, he begged, and I relented. I think my father saw Pieter’s true nature. After the wedding, he specifically asked Pieter to take care of me.” His promise was just words, however.

Sunitha Krishnan talks about her experiences with children and women sold for pornography, prostitution, forced labor…  She witnesses every day torture and exploitation.

Her testimony is hard to hear.  Imagine, how much more it is to experience that situation in your own life…

She’s asking us our support and, above all, to break “this culture of silence” that surrounds these problems.

I was in the city centre when I first met Mea Pia. She was actually a friend of a friend’s. By the look in her eyes, I could see that she was suffering intensely. I predicted it had everything to do with relationship but the subject was never brought up. My friend briefly introduced her to me, but most of my conversation were mostly engaged with my friend instead, until at one point she felt like talking.

“I found out you went through a painful divorce,” she said to me, trying to stir a conversation. All I did were raised my eyebrow and smirked. I didn’t feel like elaborating that topic so I kept silent. I guess because of my ‘cold shoulder’ she decided not to continue the conversation.

Suddenly, until, we met again in the city centre.

“Hi, remember me? Mea Pia…” she touched my shoulder and I quickly turned around. “Ahh.. yes! I remember you. How are you?”

“Not so good,” she sincerely told me. “I’m sorry but I need to talk to you about something. Do you think we could talk privately?”

“Sure. What’s wrong? Is everything all right?” we walked slowly to a nearby cafe and at the end ordered some hot drinks.

“Everything is not all right,” she sighed. She started sipping her tea, but I could clearly see that she was trying to hold back her tears. “I knew from a friend that you went through a divorce,” she continued. I nodded. “How did it go?”

“How? what do you mean?” I asked, puzzled.

“Did they ask you to go back?” I saw she swallowed her words. It sounded painful, even for me.

“I did get a piece of paper telling me that within 15 days I will be deported back home.. but they didn’t know about my kids,” I told her briefly. “But because of my kids… also that I have lived here more than 5 years, they cannot send me back…. why?”

The hardest blow

“I have to go back……” right there and then she burst into tears. “It’s just so unfair…!!” tears ran down her cheeks. I felt enormous pain and sympathy for her suffering although I hardly knew her. I noticed that passers-by were focusing on us; wondering what was happening. Spontaneously, I hugged her, wanting to comfort her.

“I don’t mind going back…” she sobbed. “It’s the manner of me going back… that is the worst part…” she kept on sobbing. I ordered more tea to sooth her down.

“I’m sorry,” she quickly wiped her tears. “You probably think I’m crazy. Who am I to you? You don’t even know me.”

“It’s all right,” I tried to comfort her. “My friend’s friend is also a friend of mine,” I answered and gave her a smile. She looked relief.

“It’s just that….. I came here because of love… I supposed, you too..” I gave her more tea and she nodded.

“I don’t know if you knew about my story,” she looked at me straight into the eyes. I shook my head, “No.”

“I needed someone to talk to and Jariya told me a bit about you.. and you seem like a good friend.” My cheeks were rather red when she said that. “Thanks,” I replied.

“You see…. I got married less than 2 years back to a dutch guy. It’s not like I married him for the money. I have plenty myself back in Thailand.”

I nodded.

“The problem is… I used to own 3 restaurants, 3 cars and 2 houses. Because of this guy, I sold everything I owned and came here to be with him. I even ask my son to stay behind in Thailand because I want to be with this guy…. I have a son, you see… he’s 22.”

I kept silent and kept listening. I knew she desperately needed someone to listen to her.

“You know what happened?”

“No,” I replied.

“When I arrived here… oh yes! don’t forget.. he asked me to bring all my money to Holland to be with him. And me, being such a stupid fool, I brought it all. All because I thought this was how it should be once you are in love with that person – you feel like you need to share what you have. Especially when he said that he would marry me. Yes, we got married at the municipality here… but….” then Mae Pia started to cry even harder. My sympathy was even greater.

“He.. took all my money! Then I found out he’s not working at all…”

I shook my head many times. In fact, I was appalled by her story.

“You know…. I never worked as a maid before. Here, people always think that people like me (Thai women – I think that was what she meant) only wanted to marry white guys because of money. I had a great life back home. I had everything. Money wasn’t the object. I wanted to be loved. That’s all. But…..”

Tears kept pouring down heavier and heavier. I was struggling; searching for the tissue pack, which I swore I stashed away somewhere in my handbag. Found it at last! I gave her the whole packet. “Thanks.”

“He forced me to work… you know… cleaning toilets… yes! It’s true… cleaning toilets!!” Her cry was even stronger and people kept on staring at us.

” I have never been so humiliated before in my entire life!! I USED TO OWN 3 RESTAURANTS, for GOD sake !! I cannot believe this is happening to me…!”

I was stunned. Totally stunned. Wow! That was really something!

“Now that I am not producing much income for him.. and I cannot heck it anymore.. he kept pushing me for divorce… and I did… but… he knew… he knew that when I ask for divorce, I will be sent home… but I’m stupid. I don’t know the law.”

I was holding my tears back. I need to look strong for her, but my heart went with her suffering.

“I just got a letter from the immigration that I am being deported home. They reject my residence card now. I have no choice but to go home. He made sure that I go….”

Slowly tears ran down MY cheeks.

“He promised me to bring my son here… he said he will take care of him… HAH! Now…. now.. it’s just lies… I’m going back totally BROKE. I have to start ALL over again… with MY son… I worked so hard the past 20 years and this is how my life ends….??? It’s just SOOOO UNFAIR..!”

She stopped, and all that she did was cry and cry on my shoulder. All I could do was kept rubbing her back and held her tight. But, I, too, was emotional.

We finished our tea. I had no clue how much tea we drank that day, but I knew it was enough to let Mea Pia released her huge disappointment and frustration. She needed to let it go and she chose me.

After tea, we went our separate ways and honestly, that was the last time I saw her. I believed she has gone back to Thailand.

I am glad she chose me to talk. I knew many women like herself who needed someone; a friend; to listen and to show some compassion. It’s not easy when you are totally alone in another land and hoping that love conquers all and love makes everything possible….

As the Secretary of the Foundation, a huge part of my duty is networking. Yes, people! Networking. I have to say, these are one of the busiest times in my life – having to juggle my time and fulfill all my responsibilities, inside and outside the scope of Lingua Franca Foundation.

Since the birth of this foundation, I have been stretching my scope of contacts from the locals to worldwide. It is crucial to have such networks to enable the Foundation to function fully and get more support, thus enable it to grow even further.

Throughout my experience with this Foundation, I notice that the moment I mentioned about its existence and the goals we would love to achieve, many people are mostly intrigue and interested over the Safety Net Project. I, myself, am  very enthusiastic contacting people to introduce this special project – because I have to say: the response I got for this project is surprisingly POSITIVE!

October

Frankly, I hesitated and was rather anxious when I approached the local municipality. After all, it was my first time. I have had my share of working in the past, but my working experience with the Foundation is somewhat different. Positive, yet in a different way. A simple ‘direct walk-in approach’ with the person behind the municipality desk was actually sufficient enough to trigger curiosity!  I gritted my teeth and explained to her some of the functions of the Foundation and its missions and goals. To my surprise, she told me to make an appointment to discuss further with an internal colleague – especially about the Safety Net Project. Of course, I took the opportunity instantaneously.

From there, I started to get into full gear! I went a step further and gathered all my courage and made the first move in contacting a higher authority. The embassy!

The Malaysian embassy in the Netherlands is situated in Den Haag. Den Haag (The Hague) or officially known as ‘s-Gravenhage, is the administrative capital of the Netherlands which is located in the west of the country. It took me approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes to reach there by car.

I had a wonderful opportunity to speak directly to the Minister Counsellor of Malaysia about the Safety Net Project. While listening to me, I noticed that I stirred an enormous interest by the look of the Counsellor’s face. He nodded many times and to my surprise, the Counsellor indeed shared the same interest and concerns with Lingua Franca Foundation. I also mentioned how very disturbing to know that many foreigners (mainly women) are suffering each day due to domestic violence or seriously manipulated by their partners. The Counsellor reconfirmed by informing me that each year, plenty of Malaysians, mostly women,  came directly to the embassy seeking for help and refuge because they could not see any way out anymore due to enormous relationship pressures and been seriously abused (mental and physical) by their European partners. The Counsellor also stressed his concern and frustration for the fact that the embassy themselves are unable to assist these vulnerable women because technically it is out of their jurisdiction. Since the situation occurred outside their homeland and these women are justifiable to the domestic law in the country they reside, the embassy could only give advice. Nothing more. Due to this very limited power, some lives were lost!

We could see that it is such a delicate matter and only a neutral ground such as a Foundation, is able to bring forward the importance of this matter and to highlight equal rights on both parties without projecting any prejudism nor interference, also without jeopardizing the relations between countries and to avoid conflict of interest from both sides.

She wanted to console and convince herself, that this journey would be the best and the last ride of her life. Her search for true love has finally ended.  Dalilah’s body trembled a little. She smirked. Such a heavy feeling. She felt as if her lunch was reaching the tip of her throat. ‘I should be happy. I should be happy.’ She murmured again.

The Journey

Excitement hit her the moment the plane hit touchdown.  Adrenaline rushed down her spine. Dalilah turned to her daughter. She was still  resting on the headrest. She snored all through the journey. A soft voice hit the intercom informing the passengers about the local weather and having a safe journey. Dalilah looked around and saw the other passengers started to grab their belongings from the compartments. Most signs on the headboard were blinking. Everybody was ready to leave the plane.

Dalilah was nervous. Quickly she grabbed her handbag and searched for her passport. Felt very intense, Dalilah immediately shook her daughter’s shoulder. Groaning and mumbling slightly in Chinese, Jasmine stretched her body like a lazy cat. She abhor her mother shuddering her like that. She didn’t like the entire journey in general. Nevertheless, she was eager to see this famous land of the tulips with her two eyes. Being a teenager and curious to the bones, Jasmine took the opportunity to follow her mother thinking that this would be a great experience in her lifetime.

Waiting in the waiting hall made Dalilah more and more nervous. She looked at her wrist watch all the time. Suddenly a warm kiss landed on her neck and she immediately knew who that was. She turned and returned the kiss.

“I am very hungry, honey.” She passed part of her luggage to Maarten. “Ok, let’s go and have lunch.” Maarten walked toward the train station. Dalilah hesitated, ” didn’t you bring the car?” She couldn’t imagine having to drag all the luggage into the train and traveled back home. She had a long journey on the plane and to think having to drag those heavy luggage on another long trip home, that was unrealistic and insensitive.

“I reckon, since you are here and we are very close to Amsterdam, I think it would be nice if we go and have lunch there. “

“But, honey…. I just arrived. I’m tired like hell.”

“Yeah, but hon…. I haven’t been to Amsterdam. We can just do it now.”

“Honey… I am REALLY tired… it was a very long journey. I don’t want to go and visit Amsterdam now. Why don’t we do it some other time?” Dalilah sounded rather irritated. Jasmine kept silent.

“No. I want to do it now. I have paid for the train tickets. I don’t want to waste money to come here again.”

Dalilah had no choice but to go. Having had to drag all the luggages she didn’t enjoy much from the short trip. Her body was deteriorating. Her energy drained. She couldn’t even think properly anymore. Maarten, on the other hand, got more and more excited. He wanted to show Dalilah his homeland immediately. He forgot about the tiredness. He was just overwhelmed to see Dalilah there. He wanted to share everything. Finally, she arrived!

Based on country data available, up to 70 per cent of women experience physical or sexual violence from men in their lifetime.

Excerpts of the UNIFEM Fact Sheet : violence against women worldwide

- In the United States, one-third of women murdered each year are killed by intimate partners.

- In South Africa, a woman is killed every 6 hours by an intimate partner.

- Women and girls constitute 80 % of the estimated 800,000 people trafficked annually, with the majority (79 %) trafficked for sexual exploitation.

- And so on, and so on…  You can see the whole Fact Sheet by clicking here.

The Say NO campaign

Say NO – UNiTE to End Violence against Women is a global call for action, launched in November 2009, on ending violence against women and girls. It is presented by UNIFEM as a contribution to advance the objectives of UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon’s campaign UNiTE to End Violence against Women through social mobilization. UNIFEM Goodwill Ambassador Nicole Kidman is the Spokesperson of Say NO.

The Lingua Franca Foundation is participating to the Say NO campaign with the Safety Net Project

The Lingua Franca Foundation participates to the Say NO campaign.  We published a web page and are proposing the Safety Net Project as an action for the Elimination of the violence against the women.

We’ll inform you of the progress of this project and these actions throughout the coming weeks.

You can already see the cover here under and you can see the whole thing on our Issuu page or you can download it from our Box.net space on the right side of this website.

Enjoy your reading!