She wanted to console and convince herself, that this journey would be the best and the last ride of her life. Her search for true love has finally ended.  Dalilah’s body trembled a little. She smirked. Such a heavy feeling. She felt as if her lunch was reaching the tip of her throat. ‘I should be happy. I should be happy.’ She murmured again.

The Journey

Excitement hit her the moment the plane hit touchdown.  Adrenaline rushed down her spine. Dalilah turned to her daughter. She was still  resting on the headrest. She snored all through the journey. A soft voice hit the intercom informing the passengers about the local weather and having a safe journey. Dalilah looked around and saw the other passengers started to grab their belongings from the compartments. Most signs on the headboard were blinking. Everybody was ready to leave the plane.

Dalilah was nervous. Quickly she grabbed her handbag and searched for her passport. Felt very intense, Dalilah immediately shook her daughter’s shoulder. Groaning and mumbling slightly in Chinese, Jasmine stretched her body like a lazy cat. She abhor her mother shuddering her like that. She didn’t like the entire journey in general. Nevertheless, she was eager to see this famous land of the tulips with her two eyes. Being a teenager and curious to the bones, Jasmine took the opportunity to follow her mother thinking that this would be a great experience in her lifetime.

Waiting in the waiting hall made Dalilah more and more nervous. She looked at her wrist watch all the time. Suddenly a warm kiss landed on her neck and she immediately knew who that was. She turned and returned the kiss.

“I am very hungry, honey.” She passed part of her luggage to Maarten. “Ok, let’s go and have lunch.” Maarten walked toward the train station. Dalilah hesitated, ” didn’t you bring the car?” She couldn’t imagine having to drag all the luggage into the train and traveled back home. She had a long journey on the plane and to think having to drag those heavy luggage on another long trip home, that was unrealistic and insensitive.

“I reckon, since you are here and we are very close to Amsterdam, I think it would be nice if we go and have lunch there. “

“But, honey…. I just arrived. I’m tired like hell.”

“Yeah, but hon…. I haven’t been to Amsterdam. We can just do it now.”

“Honey… I am REALLY tired… it was a very long journey. I don’t want to go and visit Amsterdam now. Why don’t we do it some other time?” Dalilah sounded rather irritated. Jasmine kept silent.

“No. I want to do it now. I have paid for the train tickets. I don’t want to waste money to come here again.”

Dalilah had no choice but to go. Having had to drag all the luggages she didn’t enjoy much from the short trip. Her body was deteriorating. Her energy drained. She couldn’t even think properly anymore. Maarten, on the other hand, got more and more excited. He wanted to show Dalilah his homeland immediately. He forgot about the tiredness. He was just overwhelmed to see Dalilah there. He wanted to share everything. Finally, she arrived!

After some legal arrangement in the Netherlands, Maarten told Dalilah to start preparing for her journey to a new home. During that time, Maarten persistently urged Dalilah to sell her business and her property – reassuring her that a new beginning awaited her there with full hope. It wasn’t easy to find a buyer to take over her business, nor to sell her property in a very short period of time. Dalilah didn’t understand either why she needed to sell her property – after all she would like to retire one day in Malaysia with Maarten by her side. Maarten did mention about that idea too over and over again – telling her that Malaysia would be the most ideal retirement place for him. She believed him because she knew there was a lot of truth in it. No doubt about that. Maarten had showed Dalilah that he truly enjoyed his life in Malaysia.

The pressure of wanting to be with her husband and simultaneously needed to sell everything she had made Dalilah very confounded. Some friends couldn’t comprehend her reactions because they detected something wasn’t right with the big move. Especially when she needed to ‘get rid’ of her ‘stuff’ in Malaysia in order to be with her husband. If the husband was understanding enough, this topic shouldn’t even worth thinking of. After all, it was her property, her belonging. Not his. Others took advantage by dragging her down to almost bankruptcy. They offered such ludicrous amount of money that she almost fainted! All in the game of ‘good business’.  Dalilah was desperate. Yet again.

Eventually, after all the troublesome and heartache of having to sell her business, Dalilah decided to keep her house and sold her car – for a ridiculously low price! She wanted to cry since she couldn’t bare to see the amount of loss she accumulated. How could this be possible? Nonetheless, everything she did was out of love. Perhaps this was the sacrifice people were talking about, she thought. Being single is one thing, being married is another, she thought even more.

It was nearly time to depart.  She looked around her house. Most of the flower pots were gone. She gave them away to friends and neighbours. She almost cleared the front yard. There were plenty of dead leaves heaping up next to her left foot. Slowly she placed them into a barrel and when it was almost full, her children came and finished her work. They were all helping Dalilah to clear up the mess, including clearing the entire house before completely waving it goodbye. Maarten was there, sitting on the lazy chair sipping ice-tea without lifting a finger. Only after Dalilah almost finished scrubbing the tiles on the veranda, he came and took the brush and completed her work – but made such a big fuss saying he sweated his butt off as if he did a tonne of work. How pathetic!

It was time to leave. Dalilah decided to bring her daughter with her while her son stayed behind. It was an intense farewell since she had never parted with any of her children before. With heavy heart, she hugged her son and promised him that she would come and visit him every year until they would be united again. Maarten also gave his promise to take care of Dalilah’s children in front of family and friends at the airport. He told Dalilah’s son that he would do all in his powers to bring him to live with Dalilah in the Netherlands. This moved Dalilah even more. she was touched by what he said. She held tight all his words and promises. This will be a new beginning for me, she said to herself. And to all my children.

Maarten had had so many relationships in the past. Few were serious but mostly one-night stands. Maarten only targeted women from the same nationality – Malaysians.  He found them sexy and alluring. Their tiny body attracted him so much. Maarten’s too many unsteady relationships gave Dalilah the ugliest impression about himself. Nevertheless, she still wanted to continue being with him. Perhaps the fact that she desperately wanted to be loved so much by a man, the slightest attention from Maarten brought her to another world. Despite the fact Maarten wasn’t really the best man for her, Dalilah thought she could settled for second best. Dalilah didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone.

Living the life in Asia, Maarten had had it all. He had the idea that Asian women were easier to maintain – on monetary wise, that is. He strongly believed that Asian women were so easy to please and very obedient. He saw how easy it was for him to get free love. Especially being a white man – it was rather convenient to him, as he thought.

Dalilah, on the other hand, who was brought up in such a religious background, didn’t believe in getting or receiving free love. She was constantly haunted and muddled by Maarten’s mixed behaviour. Nonetheless, surprisingly Dalilah got so many positive reactions from her friends and her children that made her wanted to stay with Maarten. His charms wooed her many times over, especially when her children were so fond of him and kept telling Dalilah that ‘he’ is the ‘one’.

At a certain point in their relationship, Maarten decided to seal their rocky turmoil journey by asking Dalilah’s hand in marriage. Shocked, yet excited she immediately replied – ‘yes’. Maarten took Dalilah to choose an engagement ring to tie her down.

Wedding rings

Maarten’s working contract was ending. It was time for him to return to his homeland. Maarten reassured Dalilah and told her he would not abandon her and wanted to bring Dalilah with him. Dalilah felt relief. Maarten gave her a lot of promises, including securing her children’s future. Dalilah decided to make a farewell gathering to say goodbye to her family and friends as an indication that she will start a new life together with Maarten. During the gathering, many of her closest friends including a priest,  gave a lot of intriguing hints asking Dalilah to get married before leaving the country. They didn’t want Dalilah to end up living with Maarten without any marital ties. They were all afraid for that to happen – since there were so many similar cases happening all around the globe right now. Dalilah understood completely – and being a religious woman, she totally agreed with them.

Dalilah told Maarten want she wanted. Astonishingly, Maarten told her that the Dutch government didn’t allow foreign marriages and it was considered illegal. He strongly opposed. Dalilah felt rather cornered. Dalilah argued and at the end Maarten agreed only for religious purpose – without having to register at the local authority in Malaysia. Dalilah felt more desperated and pressured. Finally, they performed a simple religious traditional wedding ceremony before Maarten’s departure.

Being such a hard headed woman, Dalilah was not the type to flaunt her body. She valued her self worth, although sometimes that didn’t help her much getting into the dating game. She felt more lost and isolated. Most of her girlfriends spent most of their nights partying out – enjoying their youth. Whilst Dalilah, being rather conservative, she decided that true love would come crawling at her feet one day. The honourable way.

Looking at her life and constantly comparing it with her close mates, she felt more and more desperate. After her first divorce, she only had two serious relationships, which tragically to say, ended up in total disaster. At one point, she concluded that she was destined not to experience love, nor to give love – until she met Maarten.

Dalilah got acquainted with Maarten many years back – but only as friends. She wasn’t ready to open up to him – or to any man for that matter – especially to someone who differs entirely from her background. Maarten was there mostly for work. His employer sent him to the East to promote their company. To Maarten, the East is not some strange remote place anymore since he was almost awarded as the ‘frequent flyer’ from the Dutch Airlines! Maarten wanted to blend in – including having relationships with the local women. He tried his best and unfortunately failed many times over. Somehow he didn’t seem to learn from his mistakes. Maarten was also hard headed. Just like Dalilah.

After 7 years of friendship, somehow fate brought them together. Dalilah was ecstatic. She dreamed of the prince charming on the white horse. The red carpet treatment.

The relationship itself was rather chaotic even from the very beginning. Maarten wanted everything easy for him. Being the youngest in the family, Maarten was rather a spoilt brat. He always got what he wanted, sometimes even at someone else’s expense! He didn’t seem to care and was very selfish. He wanted the red carpet treatment from Dalilah instead.  Maarten knew that being a white man, he had the upper hand on getting attention from the local women. He felt that he was the master of the dating game. Nevertheless, for someone like Dalilah, she didn’t believe in wooing any man. Not coming from her part of the world. Dalilah believed in being pampered, in being the centre of attention, in being the woman in Maarten’s life. She felt ackward having to pay his meals whenever he came to visit. It was rather weird having to please a man since it looked so backward eventhough Maarten reminded her that it was out-dated and so old fashioned to woo a woman nowadays. He  reminded her that they lived in the modern times now – men and women being equals and so forth.  Maarten was also extremely thrifty with money. Every cent was considered a loss unless used for future investment. This kind of mentality didn’t exist in Dalilah’s vocabulary. To her, spending money on the loved ones was considered as an investment as well. There were times they had had fights because of  this – for their way of thinking clashed in so many ways, and yet they decided to stay together and wanted to go further in their relationship.

To go back to the first chapter of Dalilah’s Diary, click here.

It was rather a sad true story for most women all around the world. They all had, and still have, one thing in common – searching for true love. So as it seemed.

Dalilah hadn’t had a comfortable life. Being raised as one of the poorest, she promised herself that she would step out from poverty and seeked huge fortune so that she would not go back to the hard life. Carrying the promise plus being such a hard headed woman, Dalilah strived her way up. After her first divorce, Dalilah became more and more determined and eventually succeeded in achieving what she wanted! She became her own boss – running her own business, staking up cash and slowly built up her own little empire.  With all her hard work, she managed to buy her own little castle, provide herself a chariot, whilst taking care of two growing children. But, she felt throughout the years of success, she had missed something. Something big. Something every woman desires. To be loved. Whole heartedly.

It wasn’t easy for any successful woman to find love. Especially when there were more than one access baggage! Dalilah was afraid. Afraid that she might not make it – to the love island.

To be continued…